The ones who resist your boundaries show you exactly why you need them

Hello loved one,

How are you?

I hope you are feeling great and supported! 🥰

This week, I wanted to share about boundaries. Setting them, upholding them and choosing where and when to place them. As you read this do you feel empowered? "Yes I got this I feel at ease with boundaries" Or Dread? "I need to be firmer, I know there are people who push my boundaries regularly". Or perhaps you fall in both camps. Perhaps it depends on the situation. Maybe with family you're really adept at setting boundaries and upholding them, but when your boss asks for more and more you simply say yes. Or perhaps at work you're firm and stick to your job remit and your working hours, but when your sister or best friend calls you immediately say yes on autopilot. This can lead to resentment, anger and burnout when we agree to things we don't really want to do. It's depleting in all areas - mentally, emotionally, physically and your spiritual energy gets drained too. 

Or are you one who sets boundaries but they get ignored or dismissed? This could look like:

• Stating you don't want to speak about a particular topic but being pushed and pushed until you talk about it.
• Explaining you want a quiet weekend but your spouse invites people round or makes plans to go out on your behalf.
• Being badgered to disclose a secret you're keeping for someone else.
• Stating you only have 10 minutes on the phone and the other person carrying on or complains when you have to go.
• Saying you don't want intimacy tonight and your partner still initiating. 
• Saying you'll only stay for lunch and being coerced to stay longer.
  

Here are some suggestions you can use: 

"I'd like to remind you I said I'd only stay for lunch, I'll be leaving shortly".

"I said I didn't want to be intimate tonight so please move away. I'll let you know when I'm ready/want to".

"As I've said, I don't want to talk about this topic, so please let's change the subject or I'll need to leave the conversation".  

"I really need a quiet weekend to rest/be inward/recharge, so please rearrange the plans for another time or you're welcome to carry on without me". 

"I am honouring someone's privacy and won't divulge, so let's talk about something else". 

Please feel free to edit and change as you see fit! 

Remember, the ones who resist your boundaries and resent you for setting them, show you exactly why they need to be there! What I've learnt is that it's ok if people are disappointed. It's their disappointment (just like when I'm disappointed it's my own emotion to deal with) and my self care is more important. Plus, ending up resentful or angry at the person - because I didn't set a boundary or make clear what's appropriate for me and what's not appropriate - is far worse for our relationship than their disappointment. 

During lockdown, I've had to set a clear boundary that I don't want to engage in conversation until after my morning meditation and breakfast. This gives me time and space to wake up, connect with myself and also fill myself up and set my energetic protection (those of you I've taught the yellow ball/bubble technique know what I'm referring to!). Without that I was getting pushed and pulled into different directions - from an empty place - and then would feel angry and disconnected to myself. A really poor way to start the day. This boundary has been pushed, many times, and I've had to remain consistent. I simply say "I haven't had my breakfast yet". And usually I get an apology or acknowledgement. Then after my breakfast (after my meditation) I ask "What did you want to talk about?" and we go from there. It's not snubbing anyone else or being rude, I'm simply ensuring my own needs are met first thing and then I'm fully available for everyone else. 

I've also had to be clear during phone calls. Since I am working from home, on my own schedule, some people seem to think I'm fully available all the time for phone chats. Having set clear boundaries, now the understanding is there if I don't answer or only talk for 2 minutes. Or choose to reply in a message or voice note rather than calling back. 

Deep down you know what drains you, you know when someone is overstepping or taking advantage and you know when you're not being respected. You also know when your needs are not being met. Resentment and anger are good indicators of this so use these feelings to direct you to where boundaries need to be set or where they are not being honoured. 

The biggest thing is: YOU'RE ALLOWED TO HAVE BOUNDARIES. YOU'RE ALLOWED FOR YOUR OWN NEEDS TO BE MET. Even if you're a parent, spouse, teacher, daughter, son, aunt or uncle or employee. YOU'RE ALLOWED. 💘 

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If you've been wanting to try Reiki now is the time! Or if you need a boost in these difficult times take advantage of my offer. Feel calmer, happier and more focused and less pain 😁🤩  

Simply use code 'REIKISUPPORT2020' when you book your session using the link below:

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The session will be via Zoom, you simply need an hour where you won't be disturbed (latest appointment is at 8pm for those of you working late/ putting kids to bed etc :) Available for the next 8 days. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or if you can't find a convenient time.

🙏 Thanks for forwarding this email to those who need this reminder about boundaries! And to anyone who's been thinking of having Reiki but hasn't gotten around to it :) 

Enjoy a wonderful week loves 💘