You can't save everyone

This is such a hard time for so many - often said to be the bleakest time of the year (cold, dark and now in lockdown in the UK). I feel you. If you're having a tough time and struggling, I get it. If you can't see how 2021 is going to be any different I get it. If you're worried for others, I get it.

For many clients, and especially women in my life, I'm witnessing their exhaustion and emotional emptiness coming from a deep worry for others. So I felt to remind you, this wonderful community, that although you may be feeling others' hardships, you can support but you can't save anybody else. And nor is it your responsibility. This may sound harsh but consider this: if your perpetual worry and trying to 'advise' others is leading to the depletion of your own energies - physically, emotionally and mentally - then you're less helpful to the person you're worrying about anyway, right?

Author Jeff Foster expresses it beautifully:

"You cannot save anyone.

You can be present with them, offer your groundedness, your sanity, your peace.

You can even share your path with them, offer your perspective.

But you cannot take away their pain. You cannot walk their path for them.

You cannot give answers that are right for them, or even answers they can digest right now.

They will have to find their own answers, ask their own questions or lose their own questions, make friends with their own uncertainty. They will need to make their own mistakes, feel their own sorrows, learn their own lessons.

If they truly want to be at peace, they will have to trust the path of healing that reveals itself step by step. But you cannot heal them. You cannot diffuse their fear, their anger, their feelings of powerlessness. You cannot save them, or make things right for them. If you push too hard, they may lose their own unique way.

Your way may not be their way.

You did not create their pain. You can only meet them in the here and now, your only place of power.

You are not responsible for their happiness, and they are not responsible for yours. Your happiness cannot come from outside of you. If it does, it is a dependent happiness, a fragile happiness that will turn to sorrow so quickly. And then you will get caught up in a web of blame and guilt, regret and persecution.

Your happiness is directly related to your presence, your connection with your breath, your body, the earth.

You cannot save anyone, and you cannot be saved if you are looking to be saved.

You are beautiful in your imperfection, outrageously perfect in your doubts, loveable even in your feelings of unlove-ability. All these parts have been given, all are parts of the whole, and you were never less than whole. You are breathing. You know you are alive. You have a right to exist, feel what you feel, think what you think. You have a right to your joy and a right to your sorrows. You have a right to doubt too. You have a right to walk your path. You have a right to be right and a right to be wrong, a right to this giant happiness that you knew when you were young. You are breathing, and you are inseparable from the life force that animates all things.

Your self-worth is not tied to what others think of you. It is tied to the moon, to the infinite expanse of the cosmos, to comets blazing..."

~Jeff Foster

I hope this speaks to you and you're able to bring some detachment to any worry or fear for others. Letting go of what we can't control is easier said than done sometimes I know :) If you need help with this feel free to reach out to me.

One thing I've been doing myself is catching the worry when it comes up. Let's say, for example, worry for my elderly grandparents who have been isolating since March. So, when a worrying thought comes up about them (let's not kid ourselves, it comes up :) I catch it, realise I'm worrying and I reframe it and send them love instead. I drop down into my heart and feel the love I have for them, and then imagine that love being sent out as a beam to them sitting all warm and cosy in their sitting room ❤️❤️✨ It may sound overly simple or corny but trust me it works! I immediately feel better and the worry has gone. You can't feel worry and love in the same moment. AND, I feel amazing because I'm now connected to the love I have for them. Plus, it's SO much nicer knowing I'm sending them love and good vibes rather than worry and fear.. Try it next time and I'd love to know how it works for you!

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead full of peace, calm and joy ✨

With all my love,

Chandrika ❣️

Jan 14, 2021 08:00pm

By Chandrika Chauhan

Under Self love, Empowerment & Tips

5 min read

You can't save everyone

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