When you don't want to set boundaries

How have you been recently? Up and down perhaps? A lot of my clients have been - and myself too. Experiencing high highs and things working out beautifully, and then low lows from nowhere! For me, the lows forced me to go deep within to the depths of the discord. When I came out (having healed my inner wounds) I had to set some serious boundaries and have awkward, difficult conversations that I really didn't want to have 😂

I'm going to be really honest here. I saw a surprising people pleasing part of myself who was terrified of loved ones (and even clients) disliking or judging her. The terror surprised me and it was that fear that had been holding me back from setting certain boundaries I knew needed to be set. That part of me didn't want to have the uncomfortable conversations in case the other parties hated me, cut me out of their lives (unlikely but fear always takes you to the extremes!) or spread their judgements to others or on my online business accounts.

Isn't it funny how when you're deeply attached to people, businesses, relationships how much you're willing to put up with - even if they're violating you emotionally, mentally or even physically? Over the years I've become great at setting boundaries and having awkward, open conversations. Particularly with people I know I'll be ok with if they don't like it or become distant afterwards. But the ones dear to me - and my business is obviously dear to me - seemed to have a hold over me. It was surprising - and very interesting - to see! I had to heal the fear of losing them and remind myself I would be ok if I lost them or they spread judgement to other people about me (not necessarily happy but ok). And then I was able to have the awkward, difficult conversations and be ok with the outcome, whatever it turned out to be. And full disclosure, a part of me was still worried, but the strength within me that knew the conversations needed to be had and the boundaries HAD TO BE SET was stronger.  

And, for those of you interested, the outcome was that in each case the other party understood and agreed. Time will tell if I need to uphold them and draw upon the strength I've just curated :) 

So, I invite you to do the same. Notice any places (work, friends, at home) where you're avoiding difficult conversations or are not speaking up but know deep down you need to. Find the part of you that is scared, reassure them and then take a breath and have that conversation! If you need help with this, feel free to reach out by replying to this email. You'll find that the energy it takes to avoid and be annoyed/hurt/disappointed that you're not being respected etc. is waaaay more than the courage it takes to have an awkward conversation. Even if the outcome is not what you want, you'll have freed yourself up by speaking your truth. And that freedom is priceless. 

With all my love, 
Chandrika ❣️

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